Writing a paragraph that provides evidence for an idea?
1. Choose a topic sentence.
2. Read and collect notes using a format.
a. Page number, if applicable
b. Subject or ‘doer’
c. Verb or ‘does’
d. Predicate or details
E.g. Crispin complains to himself (92). Notice: the page number is in parentheses before the period.
Bear encourages Crispin to think for himself (75)
3. Review all your notes and divide them into categories.
a. Make sure your categories relate to your topic sentence.
b. Discard any notes that do not relate to your topic sentence.
c. Notice any slight changes in the main character that might modify your topic sentence.
a. Choose a logical order for the categories.
b. Choose a logical order for the evidence in each category.
c. Number your notes in the order they will go in our paragraph.
5. Write your paragraph.
b. Start with a topic sentence.
c. Stay in the same tense.
Write in present tense!
An exception: You may use past tense for events that occur before the story begins:
Before she died, Crispin’s mother “…was often taunted by villagers” (2).
Original: “…forced my head up with a sharp slap” (3).
You change it by taking the verb out of the quotation: forcing “my head up with sharp slap” (3).
d. Write in clear, straightforward sentences.
e. Include page numbers in parentheses.
f. Avoid contractions.
g. Avoid ‘you’ and ‘your’. You may switch to plural format.
h. Avoid addressing the reader; remain in the third person.
i. You may smoothly insert quotations.
j. You may smoothly insert transition words if they are necessary.
k. Conclude with an emotive sentence.
6. Go back and proofread.
a. Check that your paragraph has rhythm; e.g. parallel structure
b. Check that it has a logical flow.
c. Check spelling and punctuation.
d. Check that it is neatly written in blue or black ink.
e. Make sure your full name and division is in the top right hand corner.
[This page may be copied for use with students if the following credit is provided: ©2012 Sophie Rosen.]
Brian is changing. He is no longer thinking like a city person but instead is adapting to the wilderness life (73). He is becoming more courageous by not being afraid of the bear that could have attacked him, even though he was scared at first sight (74, 75). He is becoming more observant by remembering where to go – or which way to go – to get the berries (73). He is learning new survival skills (80). He is now using his hatchet to protect himself even though he still needs practice (80). He has learned the most essential rule of survival: feeling sorry for yourself does not work (82). (Gurnoor)
Brian Robeson is alone in the Canadian wilderness! His small plane has crashed in the forest and has sunk in the lake. He has dragged himself out of the lake. His injuries are not life–threatening, but he is in great pain, and it seems like the whole crash has happened to his head! After spending the night, he encounters a new fear as the sun rises: mosquitoes start biting him, making a coat on his body! He keeps falling asleep and waking up, but he finally stays conscious long enough to realize that he can hardly get up. With hunger devouring him, he finally finds something to eat: wild berries! He also creates a shelter by using sticks from the lake and dead branches! All he has to help him survive in this wild and vulnerable place is some shelter and berries! When will someone rescue him? How will he survive with only some sticks and berries? (Avneet)
Brian is surviving in an extreme environment. He doesn’t have enough food, so he steals eggs from a turtle; he finds a “small chamber in the cool-damp sand” and there are the eggs: “many eggs, almost perfectly round eggs the size of tennis balls” (99). He pulls “the eggs out one at a time…seventeen of them, each as round as a ball, and white” with leathery shells (100). He needs this food because his stomach is starting to cave in (104). The sun has cooked him and he is tanning (104)…. (Esha)
I think King Canute was the best king in early England. First of all, he protected his people and didn’t flee to France like King Ethelred. Secondly, he brought peace and had a very huge empire. Thirdly, he wasn’t as cruel as William who cut off hands and feet and was a bully. Fourthly, he wasn’t as hated by people, unlike William and Edward. Fifthly, he made marketplaces and more towns. Finally, King Canute was the best king in early England because he chose the greatest nobles in the land and made them “earls,” and he conquered Norway and Greenland. In conclusion, there is no doubt King Canute was the best king in early England. (Da Eun)
Bear wants to change the society in which he lives. He has joined a group of people trying to make life better for people in England (137). He wants everyone to enjoy freedom (138). He explains to Crispin that he is travelling around England so that he can gather information about the problems people are facing (139). Bear, a good man, wants to improve conditions for the poor people in his society.
Crispin changes because of meeting Bear. There is much evidence that proves it. First of all, Crispin becomes more cheerful. Bear’s words makes Crispin grin:”‘… I promise, it shall bring us pennies of plenty and we shall prosper greatly!’”(125). Secondly, Crispin talks more, and asks more questions. For example,”‘… can you read what it says?’” Crispin asks when Bear is looking the words on the cross (134). Furthermore, “‘… do you know where you are going?’” Crispin says to Bear when Bear and Crispin move without speaking. Thirdly, he makes some choices and decisions for himself and takes more control: “… Perhaps it was time for me to make the decision for myself” Crispin tells himself when he tries to ask God whether he should trust Bear or not. Then, “… the decision would be mine” Crispin says as he chooses to trust Bear (157). Fourthly, Crispin becomes cleaner than before: “‘… are you different?’” Bear asks after cutting Crispin’s hair (119). He adds, “‘…that was only water and blade…think…if you were cleansed of thirteen years of dirt, neglect, and servitude’” (119). Moreover, Crispin is getting much more knowledge about his own history. He figures out the meaning of the words on his cross and soon realizes they are important to him (135). All this shows that Crispin is changing because of meeting Bear. (Ina)
Crispin is becoming a more observant person. As Bear and Crispin are sitting in the Widow Daventry’s Inn, Crispin breaks the news to Bear. Earlier in the morning, Crispin wakes up and sits on the steps to remain unnoticed (213). A young man walks into the Inn and searches around and leaves. Crispin recognizes him as the guy from the first village they performed in (214). Later after Bear wakes up, Crispin tells Bear about what is going on, “I think someone is spying on us.” “Explain yourself,” Bear replies. Crispin tell him about the guy that came into the Inn and that he recognizes him as the one eyed guy (221). As Bear is leaving the Inn, the one eyed guy and a man dressed in blue and gold ivory follow him to the shoe shop where Bear is going to meet John Ball (225). Then Aycliffe and the other men go toward the store and Crispin runs quickly in the back door and tries to warn Bear that they are coming before it is too late (231). Crispin is becoming more of observant which is good because he is trying to protect himself and Bear. (Kendra)
AN EVALUATION FORM
by _____________________ _____
___ name, div, date
___ topic sentence
___ 5+ evidentiary sentences
___ concluding sentence
___ excellent conventions
___ smooth flow
___ literary techniques
___ deep thinking
___ beautiful presentation
You produced ____ star work.